Negative Nancy

Ephesians 4:29


Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.


I needed to read that today.


It is so easy to get caught up in the negativity that surrounds us these days. From constant complaining, worrying, and arguing, to having the best, and being the best. Jealousy can be overwhelming. and when you see someone that has everything, and you don't believe they deserve it... bitterness can creep in.


I'm one trillion percent guilty here. I've made fun. I've talked trash. I've not stood up for people when I felt like I should. I've joined in on the gossip. I've wined about what I thought I deserved, and I have done a ridiculous amount of pouting. I was so busy pointing out everyone else's faults, I didn't realize the severity of my own. They are even more dreadful than the ones I was going on about.


Negativity is like a bad habit. It becomes part of your daily routine. Until one day, you decide you want to quit. If you want to quit drinking, dont hang out in bars. If you want to quit smoking, don't hang out with smokers. If you want to stop being negative, don't hang out with negative people.


1 Corinthians 15:33 (NIV)
Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”


I don't want to simply cut back on negativity. I don't want to ween myself off of it. I want to stop completely and abruptly. I want to lift my friends up, help them out. I want to focus on the good, and realize the bad could always be worse. I want to be thankful for what I have. I want to love without conditions. I want to see the good in everyone. I want to set a good example.


This does not mean I am going to start spouting off positive reinforcement every 3 minutes or anything. It does not mean I am going to bite my tongue and just say something else. I want it to be a genuine, inside-out change. I want to change my mindset, rather than JUST the words I choose to say aloud. I am going to have a change of heart, and in turn, retrain this brain of mine.


If you hear me being unjustifiably negative, flick me or something. Even if its justified complaining, smack me.


oh. boasting is out too.





“Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful.” Buddha

Patience

I would like to say I'm a patient person. I am fine with waiting in line. I rarely curse in traffic. And I usually realize everyone is Human. However, it would be an understatement to say my patience has been tested the last 5 months. 


Like I mentioned in my last post, 6 months ago, I was a totally different Shay. Hardly any responsibilities. My answer when anything got too tough? Walk away. That is how I have always been. A defense mechanism I suppose. Whatever it is, I hate it. This latest challenge, taking care of two kids, is something I haven't walked away from. And something I refuse to walk away from.


I started babysitting Bill's kids to help him out. Started with a few nights a week. Turned into a few days a week. Then it became my full time job. Then Bill and I started dating. Hello random-series-of-events-that-I-never-saw-coming-in-a-million-years. 


Taking care of these kids has been the most challenging and, although hard to remember sometimes, rewarding job I have ever had. At times they are emotional, demanding, cranky, and stubborn. (I am too). Other times they are sweet, thankful, polite, and just want some attention and love. I often find myself losing patience with them when they ask me the same question over and over. Or when they scream at the top of their lungs while I am on the phone. So many times I have had to remind myself, "they are just kids." I am terrified of failing. Scared that these kids will not like me, or I will somehow ruin their lives. But with constant reassurance from Bill, and the kids just out of the blue telling me they like me, or getting upset when I leave, I know that I am doing better at this than I realize. 


Now to the heart of the message. 


Even though I am not their mother, I care about these kids. I spend a lot of time with them. I want them to succeed. I want them to make friends easily, and for schoolwork to be a breeze for them. I hear everyone I know with kids talking about how "advanced" their kid is. And how they just can't believe so-and-so's kid isn't talking/walking/potty trained yet. And it is easy to get caught up in that. Its easy to want to purchase MY BABY CAN READ! and show off your kiddo's talent at the next family get-together. I get it. We live in a competitive world. 


But yesterday, whilst Googling, "What a 4 year old should know before preschool," I stumbled upon this.


"So here, I offer my list of what a 4 year old should know.

1. She should know that she is loved wholly and unconditionally, all of the time.
2. He should know that he is safe and he should know how to keep himself safe in public, with others, and in varied situations. He should know that he can trust his instincts about people and that he never has to do something that doesn't feel right, no matter who is asking. He should know his personal rights and that his family will back them up.
3. She should know how to laugh, act silly, be goofy and use her imagination. She should know that it is always okay to paint the sky orange and give cats 6 legs.
4. He should know his own interests and be encouraged to follow them. If he could care less about learning his numbers, his parents should realize he'll learn them accidentally soon enough and let him immerse himself instead in rocket ships, drawing, dinosaurs or playing in the mud.
5. She should know that the world is magical and that so is she. She should know that she's wonderful, brilliant, creative, compassionate and marvelous. She should know that it's just as worthy to spend the day outside making daisy chains, mud pies and fairy houses as it is to practice phonics. Scratch that-- way more worthy."

(http://www.magicalchildhood.com/articles/4yo.htm)

How true is that? What I wouldn't GIVE to go back to a time when I didn't know my numbers or letters. When I didn't know how awful people can be. When I could crawl in my moms bedroom after a bad dream and she would hold my hand until I fell asleep. When my dad would buy me surprises, simply because he loved me.  

Not saying I don't want to help these kids learn. But I am not going to rush these kids into anything. They learn something new everyday, without my help. They say please, and thank you. And what they teach me from day  to day is even more impressive. I am going to be more patient with them. At the end of the day, I remember how much my parents loved me when I was young. Not how quickly they got me to learn my numbers and letters. Not how well I spoke when I was 3. I am so grateful to them. 

An intro-Blog. Blog-tro.

Blogging. Blog. What a strange word. I googled it to make sure it was the right word, thats how weird it sounds to me now.

blog

 noun \ˈblȯg, ˈbläg\

Definition of BLOG

: a Web site that contains an online personal journal with reflections, comments, and often hyperlinks provided by the writer; also : the contents of such a site

moving on.


For those of you that know me, and those of you that dont.... let me fill you in.


My name is Sharayah, but I go by Shay. After 20 ish years of being called Sarah, or ShaRYEuh, or Sahara, I decided on Shay. 25 years old. technically unemployed. The youngest of 3 girls. I'm emotional, terrified of awkward situations, and I love a witty comeback (mostly when it's mine). I love crafting. and antique shopping. I love taking pictures. I've never done any real traveling, but I hope to. I love HGTV. I played Fable 3 and let over 6 million people die, because I didn't want to make an evil decision. That HAS to say something about my character. 


A year ago, I was working at Best Buy, struggling to get by, couch surfing friends couches, and doing a lot of karaoke. I was dating. I was having fun. Worrying about myself, and only myself. I was wanting more.  


Today, I am the happiest I have ever been. Genuine, sappy, ridiculously happy. I have had time to slow down, and realize what is REALLY important in life, and just how fragile and short it can be. I met the type of guy my dad always told me I would find someday. And along with him, came his two kiddos. There will be plenty more on all that later. :)


That is seriously all I can come up with. 25 years of life, and you get a few paragraphs.  


In this blog, I will be telling of my new adventures in life. Giving opinions, asking advice, and sharing thoughts. I am no english major. And I am not a fan of proper punctuation. I like more of a free-flow, random stream of consciousness  type of thing, so keep your red ink. :)


more soon! I know, you're on the edge of your seat. 


I said blog way too many times in this blog.